By Al Link
It's summer, glorious summer and the heat in the air cranks up the heat in your groin. It seems that everywhere you look there's bared flesh – luscious flesh, firm flesh, tanned flesh. Flesh peeks out tantalizingly from the bottoms of buttock hugging short-shorts and spills provocatively over the top of breast caressing halter dresses. It calls to you from between tiny scraps of bikini “Touch me, kiss me, lick me, squeeze me.”
Don't berate yourself as a lust-filled sex addict for continually wanting to “reach out and touch someone”. You can blame part of that desire on your hormones, particularly oxytocin, a peptide that causes you to want touching and makes you feel really good when you get it so that you keep wanting more. Women, because of their high estrogen levels, are especially affected by oxytocin. That's one of the reasons they like to cuddle a lot. And generally the more a woman is stroked and cuddled the more easily she'll make the shift from sensual to sexual. If you want her to happily open her legs for you, be certain to give them some tender caresses first.
Satisfy your lady love's skin hunger by taking every opportunity you can to apply sunscreen, tanning lotion, after tan lotion and moisturizing cream to her sweet body. When you do, pay very close attention to the feel of her skin beneath your hands. Stroke with long, gentle movements letting her know with your touch that you adore her. Her skin will become satin smooth with all that creamy attention and you'll both reap the intimate benefits oxytocin brings. She can of course give your body the same loving care, whether you're aware of it or not you've got skin hunger too!
On those steamy sultry days when you only have to open your eyes to begin sweating take the sticky heat one step further with a truly erotic massage. Liberally oil both your bodies. Lie down – you may want to use a large plastic sheet, a tarp, or an old shower curtain for this – and slip slide all over each other using your entire bodies to massage and stimulate every succulent spot.
Or, for a sexy cool down nothing beats a masterfully wielded ice cube. With your darling's eyes closed, or better yet blindfolded, you can tease and please her through shivery strokes to her neck, nipples, and belly. Move at random over her body, or follow a slow set trail down to her honey pot. Keep her guessing by varying the time between those glacial touches and mix in kisses and sucks from your hot lips. Let icy drops fall haphazardly on different parts of her body. If you're not sure how to proceed rent 9 ½ Weeks and watch Mickey Rourke drive Kim Basinger wild. Their ice cube scene will give you both plenty of inspiration.
More Fun and Games
Great sex is much more than bodies rubbing delightfully together. It's also about trust, intimacy and communication. Here is more summer fun you can have to deepen your loving connection. Find out how well you know each other.
Locate all of the identifying marks on each other's bodies. Naturally you have to have your clothes off to do this! For example find birthmarks, scars, wounds, moles, dimples, and colored patches of skin. Note how each one looks, its size, shape, color, texture, etc. Where is it exactly located on the body? How does it feel when you touch it with your hands and your tongue? Can you find marks your lover did not even know they had? Love those marks.
Don't just take your clothes off, notice exactly how each of you takes your own clothes off. Which item do you remove first? Is there an order to how your remove the rest of your clothing? When you undress each other, notice how this is different than when you undress yourself. Is there a particular item that you remove first, or is it much more reckless and wild when you are undressing each other? Do you undress each other the same way every time?
What colour are your lover's eyes? Don't be too quick to answer even if you think you know. Take the time to look into each other's eyes very carefully. Are both eyes the same colour? Is each eye all the same colour? Are the eyes always the same colour every time you look at them? If they change can you identify any conditions that cause them to change? For example when they are excited, turned on, happy, sad, afraid, surprised, etc. To answer this you will have to look into each other's eyes frequently.
What colour is your lover's hair? Of course your lover has hair all over his/her body! Is the hair on your lover's body all the same colour? Compare the hair on head, face, arms, legs, chest, pubis, etc. Sniff about like an animal as you do the inspection! What is the name of the perfume or after-shave or scent your partner usually wears? Could you pick out your partner if you were blindfolded, going on scent alone? This could be an interesting party variation! Blindfold all the men, then have them find their partners by how they smell. Switch and blindfold all the women.
Here is a list of favorite things. Go through the list and remember, or guess, what is your partner's favorite food, colour, etc. Your partner does the same for you. Whoever gets the most correct, gets rewarded with the sexual fantasy of their choice. Food, colour, animal, movie, perfume, essential oil, actress, actor, TV show, style of music, soft drink, alcoholic drink, game, sport, flower, writer, book, poet, poem, painter, painting, dancer, singer, song, band, fruit, quote, car, dessert, ice cream, secret place.
Write out the answers to the following questions and then share your answers with your partner.
Where and how do you like to be touched? Touch them!
What do you want sexually that you are reluctant to ask for? Ask for it.
What does your partner want sexually that you are reluctant to give? Try giving it.
How long did you make love, from start to finish, the last three times? Make the longest time be the amount of time just for foreplay the next time you make love.
Who usually wants sex more frequently? Talk about that.
Who usually wants sex to last longer? Talk about that.
List three things your partner likes the most during sex. List three things your partner does not like during sex. Invent a fun, safe non-verbal way to communicate with each other what you do and don't like in lovemaking.
Fresh Air Frolics
We all like to spend as much time as possible outside in the summer and you can move some of your romantic activities outdoors too. There is definitely something about fresh air and intercourse that makes it feel more “natural”. We become Adam and Eve in the garden of earthly delights. But pick your spots for outdoor liaisons with care. We're talking discretion here, not putting on an exhibition in the city's central park. If you can get away from the city for a time you're liable to find lots of secluded spots for loving.
Start with a romantic picnic. Food and drink definitely open us up to more intimate sensual pleasures. Don't just throw a peanut butter sandwich, a bag of chips and a six pack of Bud in a plastic bag. Go to a little more culinary effort: a few take out treats from the local deli, beverages you both enjoy (for example a bottle of wine, coolers, beer, club soda, a thermos of margueritas), and perhaps a dessert sweet – you can do wicked things with chocolate that's melted in the sun! Good strong paper plates are okay, but bring real knives and forks, glasses or cups, and cloth napkins and tablecloth. She will be thoroughly impressed by your savoir faire. Be sure to have a couple of good-sized blankets, one for underneath, one for over top, just in case you are alone enough for intimate play.
Making love in the water is an adventure we all have to try at least once. Being embraced by your beloved as you float in the arms of the life-giving waters is a sensation not to be missed. Even if there are others not far away you can touch each other in all sorts of exciting ways beneath the curtain of the waves. A word of caution about intercourse in the water: don't go in for a lot of heavy thrusting. Intense pressure can build up inside a woman with the combination of water and your piston action, causing internal damage. Make your underwater connection a slow, gentle one, almost motionless, and save the rapid rhythm for drier locales.
Summer seems to bring more opportunity for short, sweet love affairs or quick and randy one-night sizzlers. No matter how knocked out you are by your new bedmate it is absolutely essential to take proper precautions against pregnancy and STDs. Always, always use a condom for intercourse and a condom and dental dam for oral sex. This does not have to be the drag it may sound. You can actually have some delicious fun with tasty combinations of flavoured condoms, dental dams and lubricants.
Here are a few recipes for you to experiment with:
Banana Split: One (or more!) banana condoms, one part vanilla lube, one part chocolate lube, topped off with a squirt of cherry lube.
Passion Punch: Mix a strawberry dental dam with one part fresh peach lube and one part passion fruit lube. Add a dash of pina colada lube and feed the fire!
Fruit Salad: One grape condom creatively decorated with lubes of strawberry-kiwi, mango-orange, and guava-pineapple.
Mint Cooler: Vanilla dental dam with a touch of succulent watermelon lube and cool mint lube. Ice cream is an optional but tasty addition!
Use a lubricant with your condoms, even if the package says they're already lubricated. Insufficient lubrication causes friction that's uncomfortable for your partner and puts stress on the condom itself, perhaps causing it to break. Latex condoms need water-based or silicone-based lubricants, oil based lubes will eat through them.
No matter what your sexual play preference, summer is the time to explore and experiment and above all to revel in the heat, both yours and the weather's!
Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate 4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra. They regularly host Tantra Sacred Loving weekends near Ottawa Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations around the planet. For more information call toll free from Canada or USA: 1-800-684-5308 International long distance: 1-819-689-5308. Visit their website http://www.tantra-sex.com/ or send email: Their book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, is published by New Page Books, 2003.
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